Monday, 28 December 2009

I can tell you're an XXL!

We can’t get away from it! Every time we switch on the TV news we’re constantly reminded that we’re becoming a nation of fatties. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had just about enough of it!

If the powers that be were serious about our terrible tubbiness, they’d do something positive about the way in which food is marketed. We all know that a lot of bad food is cheap food, and while this economic downturn is still with us, a lot more people will be eating cheap food! We’ll be spawning even more lardies!

Why not reverse the situation until we emerge from this recession? Make good food cheaper and we may then learn to like our grub without tons of salt and fat poured, or injected into it. We could get hooked on good food, and will then be ripe for picking when the downturn becomes an upturn!

Of course, it’s not our fault that we’re fat: it’s an American plan for global domination. Please refer to my song, ‘The Fats of Life’ (below) for more information.

The Fats of Life

Obesity! Obesity! America sponsors obesity! (X2)

Crumbling knee joints?
Bulging tumours?
They ain’t no more
than malicious rumours.

Type 2 diabetes?
The fear of strokes?
We all need guts
like them Sumo blokes.

Obesity! Obesity! America sponsors obesity! (X2)

We test their junk food
in the UK,
and those Third World kids
lose the will to play.

Bomb ’em with Cola.
Stuff ’em with cheese.
Uncle Sam invents it
just to spread the unease.

Obesity! Obesity! America sponsors obesity! (X2)

Hardening arteries?
Tumours on tumours?
They say it’s the fault
of us greedy consumers.

Trouble sleeping?
Gallbladder disease?
“Like another burger, son?”
“Yes please!”

Obesity! Obesity! America sponsors obesity! (X2)

When the oil and the minerals
become easy to steal,
there’ll be cut-price drugs,
so it looks a good deal.

America’s rich:
dollars grow on dollars
and wherever they go,
everybody follers!

Obesity! Obesity! America sponsors obesity! (X2)

You can call me cynical,
or label me barmy,
but it’s the back door way
to conquer an army.

World domination
is theirs for the taking.
There’s no need to shoot folk:
destroy ’em by baking!

Repeat last line of last verse (X2)


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